Answers!

Where we got our "coffee in the mornings: LOL

Park City!!

Our "Girly Treats"!!!

Playing in the snow!

Sunday Conference!

In Conference! Sister Sessions and her companion!

Over looking Temple Suare from the tenth floor of the Joseph Smith building!

Jennifer and I had lunch on the 10th floor of the Joseph building over looking Temple Square! First day in Temple Square!

How do you deny the 'Spirit"... and not hear "ANSWERS"! You just don't! But am sad to say for the last few months I have struggled with different feeling that I have been having! I have not been a kind wife,mother,sister or person, and as Walker puts it.... I have been distracted! I have felt like I have just been chasing the spirit constantly! There has been times lately where I have felt some what forsaken. My heart has been heavy worrying about my children as they go through different seasons, and wanting to try and fix all that they are going through. Some days my body hurts more than I think I can handle and this has gone on for many years. I am so tired of it! I should be use to it by now but I just have not been able to see the good in this life lately. I am sad to say there have been days where I just wanted to quit! I have always wondered how people loose there testimony but in the past few months I could see how! Tom has done all that he could to help but if you have ever gone through something like this, you know you are the only one that can change your heart and it takes effort to do this! When you have chronic pain and sadness it is all you can do to just go minute by minute or hour by hour!

I have been wondering day to day what is going to happen, how will I get through this day and when will it get better! I would feel small glimpses of hope but.. before I knew it I was back to where I was in a sad dark place. I just wanted to scream"Someone please HELP"! You would think when you are in this state of mind you would think that you would get on your knees, but when the spirit is gone that thought never enters your mind! You do not hear "Answers"!

The Lord puts people in your path for reasons, and Jennifer Whittmann is one of the people who He has put in my path! She is a HUGE blessing in my life! She is a convert to our church and has only been a member for a short time! I remember seeing her in church for the first time and thinking she is so cute and I wanted to get to know her! But I also had the thought why would a young, sweet, beautiful girl want to get to know an old lady like me. Some how or another over the past 4 years or so, we have become ever so close! I was even the one that Jennifer chose to escort her through the temple! That was a GRAND day, one I will never forget! Jennifer continues to always be there for me and has helped me through some difficult time! I can't thank her enough for that!

Jennifer asked me if I would like to go to conference with her because she had never gone or had never been to Utah.

I told her I would go... thinking that she might forget about it or not follow through! WHAT WAS I THINKING !! For anyone that knows Jennifer, when she says she is going to do something you mark my words she will! With in a few days she emailed me my itinerary and there was no turning back for me! With Jennifer it is ALWAYS about the presentation! Some people will understand what I mean by that! Knots, not Bows!!!

As I have struggled these past few months, The thought came to me why should I go to conference because with my attitude I felt sure that I would not get anything out of conference!

Well I could not of been so wrong!

We flew into Salt Lake Thursday after noon, rented a car and were off to our hotel! We stayed at the Hyatt Place and the room was beautiful! But back to the car for a second, let me just tell every one something, DO NOT RENT CARS FROM HERTZ!! I thought I was going to pull the girl that was working there over the counter take her out! She was the most unhelpful person! For a short time I felt like on was in the movie "Plane Trains and AUTOMOBILES"! And the way I had been feeling she is lucky I didn't!... Back to our trip, we checked into out hotel, where Tom had sent flowers and chocolate strawberries to our room that were FANTASTIC!We grabbed our coat and off we went!

We went to Temple Square.It was a BEAUTIFUL cool crisp day! It even snow a little that day! We decided to go to the Tenth floor of the Joseph Smith building to eat lunch in the Garden Restaurant over looking Temple Square! As we got off the elevator and walked toward these huge picture windows the Salt Lake Temple was indescribable to look at it from there! We both were just over taken by the feelings of the spirit that we both began to cry! We stood there for 20 minutes or so, and I can just tell you that I did not want to leave that view and spirit! I had not had those feelings in a long time! One thing I did know I felt a "ANSWER" coming!

After a great lunch we went down to the lower level and had a small tour of the building! We also had the chance to go watch the Joseph Smith Movie that was playing in the Legacy theater! By the time we left that movie, I told Jennifer that I did not think I could take much more! As I tried to continue to fight these over whelming feelings, there way just no way and I decided to surrender my heart and spirit and let come what may! An "ANSWER"! You know when something is so heart felt it is just draining! Have you ever really stop and visualize what Joseph Smith went through? I know I take what He went through for granite. I complain about my trials, my aches and pains... who am I to complain!

From there we walk around Temple Square and two sister missionaries stop us and asked us if we had ever been there before and wanted to know if we had any questions! We did have some questions, and since Jennifer had never been there we decided to take the little tour from these darling sweet Sister missionaries! The tour was great, and I learned things that I did not know even after being in Temple Square before!

Again the spirit was amazing and as we sat in the Tabernacle and talked after the tour one of the sister missionaries, Sister Sessions, asked us "Are you ready and excited for conference"? I answered I guess. I must of had a puzzled look on my face as she asked me this! Sister Sessions said to me "write down any question you want Answers to, and listen well at conference and they will be Answered"! My thought was, I don't think that will happen with all that I have been struggling with, but decided to take her up on the idea without telling anyone I ways going to do this!

First session of conference we watched in the hotel room! I do not think Jennifer and I spoke more than fifty words in that two hours of conference! We would just look at each other knowing just exactly what we were thinking and how the messages related to what we both needed to hear! And yes there were many "Answers!!

After that session we got dressed and headed down to the Conference Center to watch the afternoon session live. The Conference Center holds 21 thousand people and there was not one empty seat as usual! We had seats right in the middle in the mid section! I had told Jennifer that I hoped that Elder Holland would talk in this session! When it was announced that he would speak I looked at Jennifer and again it was that unspoken"Answer" the "Tender Mercy" that the Lord had again proved to me He lives, He knows me and He "Answers" prayers! and loves me! Another Answer!! Every talk in that session was meant just for me! Especially Elder Hollands!

I am a "Family Service Agency Representative" We as A.R.s are in this calling to help educate church members what is available for them to recover from all different types of addictions, codependency problems, help find support and recovery group meetings. We help our earthly angel moms who are facing out of wedlock pregnancies to be the best they can be with what ever choice they make. Weather that is marriage, single parenting or place baby for adoption! Adoption seems harsh but now a days adoption is so open and these loving earthly angels even pick the families they want to place there baby with! This is a WHOLE other blog post witch is way to emotional to get into now! I am NOT a counselor by any means!!! I struggle with my calling in the since that I feel like people in the church and people who are not in our church do not know what is available for them to recovery from "Lifer's Experiences"! I understand what I should do to serve in this calling but... I feel like I am not doing a good job in this calling because I see so much heart ache in wards and stakes in families even my own family at times. This calling has taught me a lot about loving people unconditional, not be judgemental and realizing that there are things you can not get over unless you surrender you self to the Lord, admit your short comings and have a contrite mind and heart! I will tell you this is not easy to do from a personal stand point. But unless we do this and also choose to serve those near and far, you will continue on paths you will not like to be on! I know this from my own experiences as well! Let the Lord take your burdens He will gladly do this for you! Move to the next page do not stay stuck! It will only destroy you! In Elder Hollands talk he did not give advice about these subjects, he told us what to do in these matters! It was a very emotional and powerful talk one that I can not wait to read!

So as I struggle in this calling for the past 7 years, why do I continue to stay in the calling? "Answer" for me to learn about unconditional love and not to be judgemental! What qualifies me for this calling, "Answer" I truly love each person I meet who is struggling with different trials in their life, and want to help them find the help they need to get through this difficult time in their life's!To get back on the road to happiness and to come to rely on the Lord once again.
It seemed to me that in this spring conference, in so many talks the speakers spoke of our children. They seemed to focus allot on Mothers and children relations! There was even a talk on mothers and daughters! It hit home for me as well! Again questions were answered! The speakers spoke of teaching by example, we have heard this over and over but this brought me to deep thought!

I have always said I would not want to raise my children over again. That I did the best I knew how at the time and that every choice I made for my kids was in their best interest of them! I have told my kids I am sorry for my short comings and have asked them to forgive me and learn from ALL my mistakes! I had the thought come to me in conference that I would be scared to start over raising kids in this day and age with all the evil that is in this world today! But... The fact is you never stop parenting no matter how old they are, I heard that in one of the talks and it is so true! Another answer! You never stop worrying about their emotional and spiritual well being. We as parents just need to continue to love our kids, listen to our kids and be an example and take every chance you get to teach them.
I have had a lot of time to think about my kids this weekend and I have come to the conclusion, I never thought I would say this but... I do wish that I could go back and try again! I am not sure if that was a "ANSWER"! I would do many things different! I would of tried to be a better example, and teach them all more, about the pure love of Christ! I would of try to be a better example of Christ like service! I would of taught them earlier about the Gospel and I could go on for ever of what I would of done differently. But I can not go back! SO ...all I can do now is go on to the next page and do what I can to to try to be a better example, and for people that know me know that is no easy task! I do have to say,even with all the mistakes that I made in raising my kids they all have turned out to be very loving great people! I am happy that they are founding their way through this life! I will give my bad days to the Lord ask for forgiveness and try again the next day! I do know that we ALL have to pass through sin and trial to grow and appreciate what we have, But... I do know that we ALL can be "SURVIVORS OF LIFES EXPERIENCES"!!!! Just remember S.O.L.E. !

I also heard Elder Hale speak about listening to our kids! He gave the example of him sitting reading the paper and his little grandson snuggled up next to him. He continued to read until the little boy got between his grandpa and the paper and asked"ARE YOU IN THERE GRANDPA"? That hit hard for me! Am I in Here? There are so many times when I just want to make my kids do something that I think they should do! That is not what our Heavenly Father does to us! "ANSWER"!! Just listen and watch! As I have set back at different times in my life and listened and watch my kids, I have learn faith,service, laughter and so much more! I learned so much as my boys served missions. Posey has shown great faith moving from her family to ID and now to GA. I love to listen to my kids and watch them raise their family's now. I love listening to Rhett figure out what is more important a track meet or conducting General Seminary Conference! (I wish I could of been there for that conference heard he did great!) Again the "ANSWER" is take the time to be patient and listen for all "ANSWERS"!

On Sunday again we watched conference in the morning in our hotel and it too was wonderful! Again it was a quite still in our room as we soaked up the powerful messages that were presented to us!
We decided that we would walk to the Conference Center for the afternoon session! It was not that it was so far but by this days my joints and muscle felt like I had run a marathon from all the walking we had down! And the shoes I was wearing did not help much either! Not to mention I finally found someone that could keep up at Tom's pace of walking, Jennifer! I felt bad for her because I am sure she felt like she was crawling instead of walking but... we made it to the Conference Center found our seats and again we were prepared for more ANSWERS!

It was such a tender moment as we watched all the General Authorities come in and take there seats and as President Monson and his counselors came in everyone in the congregation stood for them! They had not turned the cameras on to televise it yet and as President Monson stood in front of his chair with everyone still standing there was a very quite hush! With a big smile and wave to all, he then pointed out to everyone and gestured for us to sit. We all remained standing then he pointed back to his self and gestured to say, you want me to sit first? At that point you could hear some laughter and then again he pointed to us to sit and at that point I think the whole congregation and all that was on the stand sat together! President Monson is so very humble his spirit is so palpable! I LOVE HIM!!!! And from there conference started!

Again there were so many "Answers" and the spirit was indescribable! Jennifer was hoping that President Monson would be the concluding speaker and again a prayer was "Answered", he spoke with such power and love ! Conference closed with one of my favorite hymns "Abide With Me, Tis Eventide".

Abide with me tis eventide, the day is past and gone, Oh Savior stay this night with me, behold tis eventide. Abide with me tis eventide ,thy walk today with me. Has made my heart within me burn, as I communed with thee. Thy earnest words have filled my soul, and kept me near thy side! Oh Savior stay this night with me, behold tis eventide.

How thankful I am for these words. Even the Hymns from conference gave me "Answers"! What an perfect Easter Sunday!

At the end of the conference and everyone was starting to get up and leave, and Jennifer and I just looked at each other as if to say, is it really over? Do we have to leave? We just sat in our seats until we had no choice to get up because people needed to get by us!

I am soooo thankful for Jennifer that she was able to get me out of my house, and be inspired enough to help me get to conference! I am thankful for Sister Sessions who challenged me to seek "Answers" ! I am sure that Sister Sessions was one of the Lords tender mercies that He sent me!! The funny thing is I thought I was doing Jennifer a favor by going. I knew she had wanted to go for the last few years and I did not really care to go! Again I was so wrong I needed to go! We all need to remember "When Life Gets To hard To Stand.... Kneel" and ask and seek for "Answers"!

I do have to admit my legs felt like I could not take another step and I feel sure that Jennifer did not want to walk back to the hotel at a snail crawl pace! She offered to go get the car and I put the pride on the shelf and told her that would be great! It was awesome to have that extra time at the Conference Center and ponder the talks that were given! We grab a bite to eat and went back to the hotel!

Jennifer worked on her homework and I answered some emails and we had a great night talking about conference. It was about ten o'clock and we had not had a lot to eat and so we decided to go to the Maverick gas station to get a special treat! Let me tell you we looked like we just rolled out of bed! I had on old yoga pants and t-shirt and flip-flops and of course my two big rollers on the top of my head! Jennifer had her bright green plaid P.J.s on and her tennis shoes! Seriously I am sure people must of thought we escaped from the Loony Hospital! WOW, I can not beleive we did that! But it was fun!

Our plane did not leave on Monday until 8:00 PM so we had a whole day to kill so we decided to drive to Park City and do a little shopping! On the way out of towm we found a random hole in the wall mexican food resturant and had an great lunch and headed up the mountain! The one thing we did not think about was... If the weather in the Salt Lake Valley was not real great than that would mean that the weather in the mountains would be worst! You remember I told you Jennifer had never been to Utah, so this would mean that she was not experienced in driving in the snow, and yes it was SNOWING!!! We were in a small two wheel drive car and there were cars that had slid off the side of the road and the higher we got in the mountains the more the snow was falling! As I look back on that drive we were just laughing out loud and saying what are we doing! I felt sure that we were going to die and Jennifer felt sure she recieved "Answers" that we should go continue our quest to go shopping! Of course that is what she heard!! We did get there safely and pick up a few special "Girly Treats"!

As I told you before with Jennifer it is always about the presentation, in everything Jennifer does.... Well as we were walking back to the car, I looked at Jennifer dress just perfectly in her in her zebra print jacket and her assecories to match, I could not help but to pick up a few hand fulls of snow and make a big snow ball and throw it at her! Bad choice it turned into a "Dumb and Dumber" movie! I do have to admitt it was fun!!! I am sure people were watching two adult women in the parking lot throwing snowballs at each other and thinking, "Are You Kidding Me"

We then made the jouney back down the mountain, mind you it was almost a white out, and at this point I was still wondering if Jennifer recieved the correct "Answer", but she must have, because even tho there were several cars on the side of the road that had slid off, we made it safely down and got to the airport just on time! We boarded our plane and we had to sit on the runway for an hour waiting our turn for our plane to be de-iced so we could fly home! We had a little bumpy flight but all in all with the weather as bad as it was we were thankful for the safe flight home!
I can't thank Jennifer enough for all she did in getting me to conference. For acting on the promptings she had for us to go to conference. I know it was not easy for her to get away from her husband, her young kids and her busy life. I am Eternally thankful for her and our dear treasured friendship! She is an "Answer" to prayers!

I am so thankful for Tom, for his quiet urging that he gave me to go to Utah. Tom is my biggest blessing in my life! He has supported and loved me through my ups and downs since I was 15 years old! I LOVE him so very much! I am so thankful he chose me to be his "Eternal Companion"!

This Easter will be one I will NEVER forget! I am so thankful for this chance I had to go to Confrence and have Questions "Answered" and to feel this Powerful spirit that I felt as I listened to all who spoke at conference. I am so thankful for President Monson and the love he shows ALL of us through out this world! I am thankful for a church that not only loves and supports its members but for a church that loves and support people and countries in times of natural desaisters, sickness, poverty, and many more afflictions. People do not realize what the church does in this world because they give and serve quietly. The church grows bigger and bigger for a reason each year! I do not take my membership lightly. I am thankful to be a member of this incredible church! I am thankful for the guidence it gives me! I am thankful for a LOVING Heavenly Father who loves me and loves everyone no matter what religion you are! I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who gave his Sons life to pay for mine and everyone else sins. And in doing this Our Heavenly Father has paved a way for all of us to be able to return and live with Him one day, no matter who you are! This is the true plan! It is called the "The Plan of Salvation" I am Eternally Thankful to Our, Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ!!!