The "WHYS and WHATS"

These are the shoes I left with on my feet as we ran out the store!
Reed had my shoe waiting the next day for me already to go! Thanks Reed for remembering my shoe and who it belong to!
I should of just ordered them online!

Well now that Anziano Scheurn's companion wrote home about the shooting that took place in the mall or I should say Nordstroms I guess I should post about the scariest day of my life! And I guess since it was National News and....It was so kind for Anziano Smith's mom,Irene, to email me and check on me and want to know what happened... I will share one of the most scariest days of my life!!!!

I was not going to post about what happened but Tom said with all that is being said and heard I should clear things up! Mind you it was Tom who told Rhett in the beginning! I had mixed emotions about sharing this with him!

I will start by saying that my heart goes out to ALL that were involved in the Tucson shooting! I can't imagine what they are going through! It deeply saddens me that a family would have to loose a loved one to a senseless random shooting by someone who is the most selfish horrible monster! The precious nine your old girl that was there at the Safeway learning about her freedoms, and lost her life, this is just more than I could ever understand.

I just want to say how sorry I am to ALL who were involved in this shooting and the shooting that took place at the mall. I want to express a heartfelt, I AM SO SORRY for all the pain these families have to go through for NO REASON, what so ever!

Not only do I feel such sorrow for the families that lost a love one or had a love one that was shot but... I also want to express my sorrow to ALL that witnessed such a horrible devastating situation!

My story starts Wednesday morning January 5, 2011. I started out my morning about 7:30. On the first Wednesday of every month I have training meetings with LDS Family services. We were done by 11:00 am. I hate the mall and shopping but I had gift cards from Nordstroms since the summer for my birthday and I wanted these cute silver TOMS shoes because, I am going to visit Posey this week and I wanted them to where in GA. I was going to just order them on line but when I called they said that they would not get to me before I left to Savannah. So after my meeting I thought I would just hop the freeway and go to Nordtroms and get the shoes and go home!

As I was close to the mall about 11:30 am there was a unmarked truck that pulled out in a intersection close to the mall and had I been driving fast or not stopped I would would of broad sided him! There were no lights anywhere on the truck and I was not sure if the siren was even coming from the truck! It did make me stop and think about... was that a cop or was someone impersonating a cop it was just not clear! I had never seen anything like that before BUT... He was headed AWAY from the mall and the nervous person I am... I told my self to forget about it and stop worrying! It was the only car like that I saw, and I saw no other police anywhere!

I parked outside of Nordstroms way out far so I would have a longer walk into the store seeing I don't exercise like I should!

Went in stopped and chatted with a sweet girl in the purses and then went to the shoe department that is near the the inside mall entrance of the store! I was visiting with the shoe manager Reed Harper who manages both women shoe departments of the Scottsdale and Chandler Nordtroms women shoes!

I had on one of Nordtroms shoe and one of mine and the young man who was helping me was in the back getting another shoe for me to try on as Reed and I were visiting! Thankfully I had my purse in my hand because I had gotten up to look in the mirror at the cute silver TOMS shoe I was trying on. As I was waiting for the other shoes and as Reed and I were talking.... a man ran by us about five feet in front of us going at a fairly fast speed not a sprint but it did seem he was tired but he was headed toward the west doors of Nordstroms that would take him outside of the store! My first thought was "Oh no maybe he has lost a child or something like that"! Reed and I kind of were wondering if he needed help? Before we new it there were 3 or 4 men in black bullet proof vest with there guns drawn and guns strapped to them everywhere on their body running after this man! We were still confused not know what was going on! I kept thinking maybe this man stole something in the mall and this was mall security!

As they went out the doors and I saw them go out the doors I heard "BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM"! I was still trying to make sense of it when.... the next wave of tactical team came running through yelling "SHOTS FIRED"!!! Several times! They too went out the doors!

At this point Reed just put his arm around me and said we need to go in the back where they keep all the shoes! I was clam for the first few minutes and then it hit me and I just stared crying! I was so thankful I had my purse in my hand and the only person I could think to call was Tom! You would think I would of called the police to let them know where I was but no, All I could think about was Tom!

I called him from in the back and Tom said all I said was "THEY ARE SHOOTING"!!!!! He said I was talking so fast and crying that he could not understand anything BUT.... SHOOTING!!! I then hung up on him!!! He said he tried to call me back but I did not answer! He was beside himself not knowing where I was! He said it was the worst feeling he had ever had! At some point in time he finally got through to me and I told him where I was and he said he was coming! He said I just kept crying saying "DO NOT COME, THEY SHOOTING AND YOU WILL GET SHOT. JUST STAY AWAY!! He said I said that over and over! I do remember telling him how scared I was and "PLEASE do not come"!

The store had been evacuated but we did not know this because we were still in the back. Not sure how long we were back there when Reed received a phone call telling us we needed to get out of Nordstroms through the doors we were told to exit and to run as fast as we could away from the store and take cover behind some cars. Everyone else in the store was already out! So we did! It was like a war zone! I will never forget the sounds of everything! There were many helicopters over head and hundreds of sirens and people running for cover! It truly was complete chaos!

As I was sitting on the parking curb and Reed was sitting next to me I looked down at my feet and noticed I had one of my shoes on and one of Nordstroms shoes on! This part is kind of funny but... I remember seeing this and I began to cry even harder and Reed said to me "everything is going to be alright and I said ..."NO I HAVE ONE OF YOUR SHOES STILL ON"!!!! He reassured me he was not concerned about Nordstroms shoe and then I said "BUT MY OTHER SHOE IS STILL IN NORDSTROMS" as I continued to cry!! He said Tamy I will have someone drive your shoe to you tomorrow it is okay we just need to stay down!! I know this sounds funny but I think I was in such shock and so confused I did not even know what I was saying or doing!!

After being out in the parking lot for sometime and Tom on the phone with me all I could think of was..."I HAVE GOT TO GET OUT Of HERE"!!!

I told Reed I was going to run to my car which was parked WAY around the other side of Nordtroms from where we exited the store and all the way out as well! But I knew I needed to get to my car!! Like I said it sounded like a WAR ZONE!! I stood up to run and Reed said "NO you can't until we are cleared! My thought was no one would mistake me for the shooter and if they did at that point I didn't care about taking the chance, I wanted out! I took off running with Reed behind me, there was no stopping me! I feel sure I have never ran so fast in all my life! I am not sure where Reed went but I started my car and off I went! There were hundreds of ALL different tactical teams, undercover cars marked cars and who knows how many Helicopters in the sky! Tom was on the phone with me as I was trying to leave and he could her ALL the commotion! He kept asking me where are you now? He kept telling me to pull over but I remember just saying I don't know where I am! Tom kept saying go to the next road sign and let me know where you are I am coming after you! I told him I would not stop I had to get out of the area! The sounds of sirens and the helicopters, was just over whelmimg!!

I finally find my way to the freeway not that I don't know my way around this area but I was so scared and confused and still did not know at this point what had happened or what might happen!

As I finally got on the freeway heading the opposite way from the mall for the next ten miles there were law enforcement agencies still coming with there sirens!

I was so scared I did not want to go home by my self nor did Tom want me to go home by my self so he told me to come to the dealership, and we would go home together!!

The funny thing was is that my phone must have rang all day but I did not hear it so a few people who were trying to get in touch with me called Tom to see where I was and he told them kind of what had happened and that I was alright just shaken a little.... A LITTLE any way.... I do not face book but some one put it on face book so then my phone started ringing off the hook! I just turned my phone off because I just wanted to be done with it! The news station wanted to interview me because I saw the shooter and heard the shots ect... but the last thing I would want would to do is be on the news or Fox news that goes everywhere! They asked me if I would come back to the mall and I said "HELL NO! That is the last place I want to be"!!

Reed was so kind the next day he called me and said he would have my shoe brought to me but after reading something President Hinkley wrote the next morning, I could see how the Lord would want me to not fear and use faith to light my way and go get my other shoe my self! I did not go until late that afternoon but I did go and even made my self walk down the mall!

It is sad to say but I looked at every person in the faced and every little noise I heard I thought I would jump out of my skin! It is sad to say that there is a part of me that will never be the same! I have always been such a trusting friendly talkative person and I know that is something that will be a little different about me! This man I saw running looked as normal as anyone could ever look! Like I said when I saw him running I thought maybe he needs help!

I would give ANYTHING for the out come of the Tucson shootings to be different! Why could it not of been more like the mall where with all the shots fired none of us were hit? Why did people have to loose there life there! So many questions I have! So much to work through!

I will say someone said to me aren't you happy Rhett was not with you! For that I am so thankful!! I am not sure if he would ran after the man to see if he needed help or what he would of done! I feel so blessed for my safety BUT.... Wish those who were shot in Tucson and every other random senseless shooting could of had the protection I had at the mall!

I understand that Heavenly Father is in control but.... There are so many times in my life that I want to know the "WHATS and WHYS'!

I need to work on my faith more it sounds like! This is not the first time I have thought about the "WHYS and WHATS"! Maybe if I would just completely surrender myself to my Heavenly Father I would not ask the "WHATS and the WHYS"! I need to understand the Saviors role better as well! Every time I think I understand the Atonement... I come to realize that I should not be so comfortable in that knowledge! I need to study more about the Atonement I can see!!!

When I think of ALL the suffering it is hard for me! When I was working in the O.R. I always HATED doing trauma because I could never leave it at work! If I had worked a pediatric case as well I could not leave it at work! Not only did I think about the child but my heart hurt for the child parents waiting in the waiting room! I use to think "man if this was my kid.... I do not know how I would handle knowing my baby was having a open heart surgery or what ever the case was"!!

This is not new for me! I am always questioning suffering! I know I need to let the Savior carry it for us! This is why Heavenly Father provided a Savior for all of us!!

This is something I will continue to work on the rest of my life! I am so thankful for the outcome of the mall! I will work on NOT asking WHY and WHAT just continue to pray for the people involved in the Tucson shooting and their families and all who witnessed the devastating act!

The one thing I know I have to do is to learn to rely on my Savior more! I pray for all involved in the mall shooting, the hostages and all in the Safeway shooting that they will someway find some peace in their lives!

As Anziano Scheurn has talked of in so many of his letters.... We need to LEAN on our Savior! He will ALWAYS be there for us! This is what I will continue to work on as well and then maybe I will stop asking about the "Whats and Whats"!